just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
