I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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