I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think I just sharted jello shots
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
