Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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