Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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