I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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