4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
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Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
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I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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