so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
