Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
