Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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