there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
