Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
