Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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