Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
