We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
