ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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