i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
