He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
