I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
