Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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