There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
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Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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