i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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