Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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