What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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