Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
