How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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