Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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