I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Come on in and take your pants off
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