there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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