i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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