saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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