Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
