I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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