are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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