If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
