she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
