then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
