dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My legs feel like baby dolphins
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
