just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
