I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
