forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
