It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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