i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
