Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
