It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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