I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
