I puked a lego.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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