I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
