I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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