Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
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She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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