Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
