Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
