2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning