i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
