I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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