you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
