What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
