All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
