Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize