She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
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DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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