if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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