I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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