So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
