Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
