So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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