Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got inside last night via doggy door
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
