D3 body, D1 cock
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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