i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
