I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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