hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
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You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
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We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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