I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We are all done wearing pants today
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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