His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
