I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
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We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
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It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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