i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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