I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Shame - the story of my life.
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