absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
