i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.