i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
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At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina