Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
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you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
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Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.