whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
