What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
