I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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