Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
