Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
