'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
