We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
