Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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