Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
