She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
