Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
BRING THE BAGELS
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
