Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
